Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Lessons from a little girl

I love being a mom and, for the most part, feel like I'm pretty much on top of things. However, whenever I start to feel too prideful, "something" usually follows to strike me down. Lately, "something" = "Ella." Here are some of the lessons learned:




A two-year-old little girl LOVES all things pink, sparkly, messy, and OFF-LIMITS. I hurt my back a couple of weeks ago and, while I am feeling better now, I was pretty much "down" then. Jon was offshore, leaving us land-lubbers to fend for ourselves. Ella had been asking me all day to polish her nails (her phrase). At the time, I wasn't able to bend over, let alone do an intense toddler mani-pedi, so she was made to understand that it wasn't going to happen. I turned a Barbie movie on for her (which usually cements her bottom to the couch) and laid down on my bed. All was quiet, too quiet, and as my little brother Joey taught me much earlier in my life, silent is deadly. About the time that Barbie discovered that she was really a princess that had marooned on a beautiful tropical island with animals that she could speak with, I started to notice that my house had the aroma of an Asian nail salon. I slithered out of bed and followed my nose only to disover this:


Back in the day, the pharmaceutical industry was forced to implement tamper-proof lids on all meds so that little children and arthritic little old ladies wouldn't be able to access any of the medicine inside the bottle. Someone please explain to me WHY the child-proof nail polish lid has not been invented and utilized?



An eternal truth: when you don't want them to fall asleep, they will. And with a smile on their smug little face knowing that they are thereby destroying any hope of being put down for a "real" nap that will enable you to clean up all that they have soiled in the course of the day.





You can buy world peace for a quarter... or at least a peaceful trip to Wal-Mart. I am not above bribing a child with a merry-go-round ride if they are a good shopper. ("Good shopper", of course, means sitting in the front of the cart (with the strap buckled), maintaining proper footwear at all times, remaining fully clothed, leaving the store with hair in roughly the same condition that it was upon entering the store, not eating any of the items placed into the cart, and keeping all noises (verbal and bodily) at an appropriate level.)

She's happy, I'm happy, and the Wal-Mart checkout lady is... well... maybe not exactly happy, but at least not cursing at me inside of her orthodontia-lacking-head for having the gall to bring a CHILD into a STORE, of all places!






Ahem, some lessons bear repeating: Silent is deadly. Of COURSE she's not playing quietly with her dolls and pretend food. She's found the rogue marker, buried in the deepest recesses of the couch, placed by the sofa manufacturer in the hopes that a random two year old will discover this blue wonder and destroy said couch, thus forcing the consumer to purchase more marker-implanted furniture. HaHa, Emerald Home Furniture, co. fat-cat. Jokes on you, er, or all over Ella...

15 comments:

Musicmom-Amy said...

Oh, the terribly terrific twos!!!! :D At least you had the thought to document it. Blackmail pics are always good when THEY have their own kids. How long did the remains of that marker stay on her face?

The McCauley's said...

They are so busy! We have the same fear here...silence is deadly.

Courtney said...

I LOVE YOUR POSTS! So true... the rougue marker... good line!

vicki said...

I am simply amazed that you have a camera at the ready for these golden moments. I am usually too busy beating my child to record these precious gems for posterity. Kudos to you in the family record-keeping department. So hilarious! My worst nightmare involves the "rogue marker" and it is usually a Sharpie.

jenny said...

I am just impressed she didn't get any nail polish or marker on her clothes! The rest is easy to clean up... or will eventually wear off! And next time you are down and out, you better call me so Ella and Lorelai can have a playdate... I am offended you did not ask for my help!!!

The Millers said...

I am the only one who noticed that Ella's toes don't look that bad? I love/hate silence!

The Millers said...

I am the only one who noticed that Ella's toes don't look that bad? I love/hate silence!

JenM. said...

A: I immediately scrubbed and soaped and scrubbled some more. She didn't love the cleaning process which, I hope, taught her to not do it again!

V: I have recording many "great" moments of Maya and Foster and really regret this. So, I vowed that I would do better. I keep my camera in my purse, so it is always pretty close.

J: I didn't even think about it not being on her dress. You are right, it could've been a lot worse. It took two big bottles of fingernail polish remover to get it all off, but the floors are none the worse for wear (which kind've makes me sad because I HATE them.)

L: Remind me not to ever let you do my toes.

Alicia said...

I LOVE that Merry-Go-Round smile. Don't grins like that make you feel that for one moment, you really are a great mom?! Then you get back to reality as you buckle them in the car seat and they are screaming, "I HATE you, Mommy!" because you only spent 1 quarter!!!!! SIGH! Good times! :)

Alana said...

Oh, too funny!

When I was 6 or so my sister and I were colouring with markers and my baby brother was sitting there with us sucking on the marker tips. Neither of us said a word to any parent even after we noticed that my brother's face looked like a rainbow and his mouth was full of ink. It wasn't until Tyler started biting the tips OFF the markers that we called for parental assistance and then it was only to save our markers!

Keli said...

jennifer, that was so funny...Although i am sure it was not at the time.
I gasped outloud when I saw the red nail polish splattered all over your floor. How in the world did you manage to get it up?? ...if you did??!!

Mere and Matt said...

Your Wal-Mart comment reminds me of that email you wrote about the Moscow Wal-Mart nazi that I use every single time I try to teach a creative writing class. They love it and are never able to match it for subtle wit and detailed description. Great post!

rosycheeks said...

Her toes did turn out pretty...I'm impressed that a 2 year old could do that well getting it ON her toenails! And she looks SOOOO proud of herself in the next picture, I had to smile at that one! It looks like she is going to keep you very busy for awhile ;)

Tanya said...

Oh, I love that little munchkin!! She's a blonde haired blue-eyed little booger and I adore her for all her antics. Can't blame a girl for wanting a spa day.
A happy Wal-Mart employee? No, that is an oxymoron - doesn' t exist. Don't worry, I get my revenge. "Did your checker greet you?" 90% of the time "No"...and I push that button with glee!!! Watch your stats plummet lady!!
Thank goodness for the sacred salon card because that polish would have been pricey otherwise. Did you offer her a flower for $5 more dollars?

Tanya said...

NEW POST, NEW POST!!! I swear it's been so long that Ella is no longer a little girl but a full blown Beehive or something!! :)